The Art of Letting Go: How I Learned to Part with My Paintings

When I first started painting, I could not dream of parting with a single one. At the time, painting was more of a hobby for me. I was teaching full time, taking care of my family, and struggling with grief and depression. Painting was my outlet on the weekends. It was a way for me to work through my feelings and express myself. Plus, it was the very best I could do, and without the knowledge on how to become a more skilled painter, I was always afraid I could never make something as good again.

A painting I made in 2023

So when people offered to buy a painting or suggested I give them away as a gift, I immediately shut it down. Painting was the only thing I had that was just for me. The thought of being separated from something that was so clearly a part of me was unthinkable.

Fast forward a few years, through me leaving the teaching profession, taking a year-long art course, practicing for at least six hours a day, and calling myself an artist, I now had to learn to let go. I couldn't be a very successful artist if I never let anyone buy a painting. I certainly could be a starving one, but my family did not deserve that.

In the beginning of my career as an artist, all my sales were commissioned. I was creating a painting that was never mine, so I didn't have to face my fear of losing a part of myself. Think of it like surrogacy. Just like that baby has no genetic relationship to the surrogate, those paintings embodied feelings and emotions offered to me from the people commissioning the paintings. I was able to keep myself from getting attached, knowing that the painting never belonged to me.

It wasn't until I got into my first gallery that I had to come face to face with how it was going to feel to sell an original painting of mine. And I have to admit that it was hard. Under all the excitement of finally making a little money and someone loving something I created so much that they want to live with it, I also felt like I was losing something. So I did my best to ignore that feeling, and as I began to sell more paintings, I got better at ignoring it, but it never went away. I figured that's just the way it was for artists—you put yourself out there, lose that piece, make some more, and watch yourself grow through art.

Just a few of the hundreds of old paintings I was hoarding

The Truth About Being "Good Enough"

Artists don't talk about what it takes to get to the point where you're good enough to create art that other people would want to spend hundreds of dollars on. I'm not sure if it's an attempt to keep the mystery or magic, or if other artists would prefer for everyone to believe that it is purely God-given talent that allows them to create all those beautiful works of art, but I'm here to blow the lid off that.

It takes thousands of hours of practice, going to workshops, watching YouTube videos, tons of money on materials, and HUNDREDS OF BAD PAINTINGS. And as I mentioned earlier, I have struggled with letting go of paintings, so of course, I still had all of those hundreds of bad paintings. They were shoved in every closet, behind the couch, hung on walls, and taking over the spare bedroom.

A Tiny House and a Big Decision

Now I'm faced with a dilemma. My family is moving into a tiny house on a farm. There is no way we will have room for all of these paintings. I have already worked out giving up a designated studio space and splitting it with our master bedroom. I have to work through what to do with all of these paintings! I have to get rid of them.

The first wave of paintings that I got rid of, I mustered up the courage to throw them away. I filled up our entire outside trash can with the oldest paintings that I had and watched the garbage truck come and take them away. I can tell you that that felt wrong. Even though these are not good paintings, I could never list them on my website for sale or take them to a show. I needed a solution that at least gave them a chance.

So the second wave of bad paintings I needed to get rid of got lined up in my front yard by the curb. The paintings stretched almost the entire length of the yard, and I had to face some embarrassment of these paintings possibly representing me, or even worse, my neighbors thinking that I had given up on my dream. But I had to give the paintings a chance at finding a person. I couldn't stand to see all that hard work, grit, and determination that those paintings represented go in the trash again.

The Moment Everything Changed

As I'm going through all of this and watching people driving by, stop and look through the paintings to take the one they want, something amazing happened. For the first time, I'm not seeing the paintings as an extension of myself. I am seeing them as their own individual creation. I am watching them make the passersby happy as they talk about why they like them or where they are going to hang them.

I am seeing them as what I should have always seen and I got my ego out of the way.

Me with my latest painting

These paintings are not an extension of me. They are the universe working through me to bring something new into this world. They are all meant for someone. Someone that makes a connection with them and can allow the painting to enrich their lives. They already enriched mine just through their creation, and I cannot express how grateful I am to be able to use my creativity in a way that can make the world a better place.

Moving forward, I know that the loss I used to feel when selling a painting is a thing of the past, and I now get to revel in the joy for that painting in finding its person.

By the end of the first day of my paintings sitting by the front yard, every last one was taken to a new home.

Have you ever struggled with letting go of something you created? I'd love to hear your story in the comments below.